Giving Yourself Space To Be

This week, I'd like to share what I feel is one of the most important pieces of advice to give to someone who is fairly new to exploring their Pagan identity and practices. This is giving yourself space to be. Many of us were not brought up in Pagan households, and frankly, Pagans are still very much a minority when it comes to numbers of people involved compared to other spiritual paths. Many, if not most, will face criticism from friends, family, and partners when making the decision to become a Pagan.

This criticism can sometimes be pretty harsh, but even if it's not extreme, it can make what is an interesting and enjoyable process very difficult. Let's face it, when making a change like this, we are unlearning a lot of the things we've had taught to us from a very early age. This can be a little confusing at times, even without facing disapproval from others. Of course, or hopefully, not everyone in our lives is going to be discouraging. However, there will be more discouragement than not when it comes to many of the people we've spent the majority of our lives with. It isn't fair, and it isn't nice, but it is the reality. So, what's a person to do? 

For the most part, until we've found a place of true comfort and stability in our new way of life, it's for the best if we don't share a whole lot about it with people that we know are of an opposing viewpoint. More openness can come later, when your feet are more firmly on the ground. At some point, you will find the degree to which you want to come out of the broom closet. Never forget that you have just as much of a right to be who you are as anyone else does. It can be all to easy to give up in order to try to keep the peace in the beginning. I love peace just as much as the next person, but not at the expense of being able to be myself. This is something that I am writing about coming from decades of experience. I have sacrificed what is important to me for family, lovers, and those I thought were my friends. If I could go back in time, I would have done things a differently. You know what they say about hindsight... ;-)

Take your time, learn as much as you can, connect with other Pagans. Sometimes the only way to connect with other Pagans is online, because our numbers are definitely scattered, but it's better than complete isolation. Even within the Pagan community, you will encounter some prickly characters. Don't be dissuaded from pursuing something that feels good to you just because someone who has been on the path for many years says so. I remember going to a local Pagan's night out meet and greet thing several years ago, and being harassed by this guy because I hadn't chosen one particular pantheon of deities to devote my path to. He didn't let up for the entire three hours that I was there in telling me how wrong I was to have not picked one, and one only.

Thank goodness I already knew well enough to understand that this was his issue and not mine, however, he made my evening so miserable that I never went back to that group. One of these days, I'll make my way back there because I have even more knowledge and confidence under my belt to be able to not let him get under my skin, if he even still attends.

And dating...oh my goddess! We can't have this discussion without touching upon dating. About three or four years ago, I decided to try online dating, and had more people than I can remember immediately lose interest in me because I am a Pagan. This didn't bother me at all. The only thing was that I found it sad that people are still judging the worthiness of others based upon their belief systems (and other obvious words we could insert here). I even had a few who feigned interest and proceeded to go on several dates before revealing their agenda to convert/save me! 

 My hope is that one day, we will be able to jump over this particular hurdle of human relations and just appreciate, or not, one another based solely on the person we are. For crying out loud, I've met good, awesome, bad, and ugly in all creeds and I hate to break it to the naysayers, but there are some factors which just have no merit when it comes to what constitutes a person worthy of choosing as a friend or partner. 

This post is not meant to discourage anyone from choosing the Pagan path. Quite the opposite! Anyone doing so deserves to have the space that they need to find what works for them. One thing about Paganism that initially drew me is that it is in no way a one size fits all type of belief system. It might take quite some time to really find your groove, and even then, things tend to shift a bit. One thing that I do know, is that for me, it has been worth it. Claim your space, and enjoy finding your way. You deserve happiness and respect, even if you don't fit into someone else's box of normalcy. Feel free to reach out with questions or comments, as long as they are kind and respectful. 

In love and light,

Tracy